


Hate Can Be Cathartic

by xSheepie



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Off-screen Relationship(s), On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-12 13:45:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7936966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSheepie/pseuds/xSheepie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Season 6, Episode 1- Spoilers if you haven't watched up to this point.</p><p> </p><p>This is basically the fight scene between Chibs and Juice in 6.1 at the end of the episode. I added feelings and some extra at the end. I couldn't stop thinking about the part where Juice grabs Chibs and *sob* what if they had a relationship and...?</p><p>SOA isn't mine, none of the characters, blah blah blah. This is from one of the episodes so...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When the prospects were ordered out and Chibs shed his cut, Juice knew where this was probably headed. Nevertheless he rolled his head and feigned confidence. “What’s going on?” he asked, setting down the tool in his hand.

“I’m a bit worried about you, Juciy.” Chibs replied.

Juice looked down and shrugged. “I’m okay, man.”

“No, no, no. Not how you are. I’m worried about what you might do.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Juice said, confused. _You’ll have to narrow it down_ , he thought _. There are so many things to be worried about._

“You stole from us to help a cop.” Chibs pushed off from the counter he was leaning against, not yet moving into Juice’s space but warning him with every hard line of his body of what was to come. “And you killed a brother.”

“No.” Juice said, desperate. “ _Miles_ tried to-”

“You ratted.” Chibs snarled. “And then you took a cowardly swing from a tree.” And there it was, Juice thought. The disgust, plain as day. Juice twisted his head to the side out of habit but forced himself to look back at Chibs.

As he talked Chibs slid off his rings one by one, setting them on the table behind him. The action was more of a promise then a threat and as each one thudded onto the work counter Juice stiffened further.

“I never meant to hurt the club.”

“But you did. And for some reason Jax has given you a pardon.” Chibs shook his head, mouth twisted. “And there’s nothing I can do about that.” Chibs blinked like he couldn’t comprehend why Jax was letting him get away scot free. His stepped forward and Juice shifted onto his heels but didn’t move otherwise, letting Chibs come to him. “But I got to get right with it somehow.”

“I love you, brother.” Juice took his stance, on his toes, leaning towards him, chin out, presenting himself.

“I know.” The contempt was written all over his face as Chibs pulled back and socked him right in the jaw. The force of the blow stunned him and he tripped backwards, catching himself on a rolling cart, which skidded to the side. He bounced back up, knowing this was only the beginning, begging for more with the way he pressed close, eager to make this right. If the price was his flesh, he was more than willing to let it be taken. A small cut opened in the corner of his lip. He relished the metallic taste as his tongue darted out to probe the tiny incision.

Chibs raised his fist and punched him again. He hit the dolly a second time and when he didn’t stand immediately, Chibs leaned down and grabbed his arm to yank him upright. Juice caught himself on the solid weight, slinging an arm over his shoulder more out of necessity then because he wanted to hug his brother. He inhaled deeply, savoring Chibs' smell as his face dropped into his shoulder.

Chibs didn't let it last; he pushed Juice away, one hand on his throat to keep him on his feet and punched him again. This time he hit the floor. He stayed down but it didn’t matter because Chibs crouched over his torso to fist the collar of his t-shirt and hold him up as he left his bloody mark.

Each time he felt the blow a little less as his face went numb, and the pain blurred together. Slowly his grunts and gasps got quieter and finally Chibs let him fall back against the foot of the lift and lay limp. He couldn’t figure out what had split open and what was just swollen because it all felt hot and tight. He waited for Chibs to leave the garage before gently laying his face to the cold concreate floor.

Juice inhaled deeply, the smell of grease and gunpowder like cold water to his nerves. He knew he was probably getting dirt in the cuts but couldn’t bring himself to care. Slowly he pushed himself to his knees and then to his feet, his head swimming dangerously. He closed his eye- the one that wasn’t swollen yet- and sighed. Sure he’d be healing for a month but what was that when he was forgiven? The horrible tangled feeling still twisted in his gut- like his intestines were trying to strangle themselves- but his head was clearing a little. Maybe this was the end. He could only hope.

He made it to the bathroom and ended up throwing up into the toilet. He dry heaved for several minutes after before righting himself and standing in front of the grimy mirror. He gently ran wet hands over his face and examined the angry red marks littering his face. It hurt like a bitch but he ignored the aspirin bottle in the little cabinet. He would take every second of this pain and endure and when Chibs felt better he’d return to his bed and take everything back. This was his probation, Juice knew. How he dealt with the aftermath of the beat down was as much as part of the test as the actually act.

It was violent but at the same time cathartic. Chibs needed it and a small part of Juice did as well. Juice stared back at himself in the mirror and dug a thumb into the cut under his eye. He hissed in pain but immediately felt better as all the thoughts in his head died down for a moment of stunning clarity. Juice let out a long breath. _Yes,_ he thought with certainly. _The end was nigh._


	2. What A Lovely Cure

Juice crawled home that night feeling pitiful. Chibs had ignored him the rest of the day and Jax had bracingly told him he’d probably forgive him when his face healed. Juice knew that already though and so he hurried home to find some antiseptic and an ice pack. He laid the gathered supplies out on the counter and sunk down onto the closed lid of his toilet. He covered his face with his hands and tried to get a deep breath. It burned where his fingers touched broken skin but it only made him press harder, hurt deeper.

He almost didn’t want to heal; he knew he didn’t deserve the guys'- Chibs's- forgiveness. Especially not when he was still keeping secrets. There were three loud knocks on the front door and it shook Juice out of his pathetic mental tirade. He let out a weary sigh and levered himself upright and to the front door. He swung it open, not bothering to cheek first. The sheriff stood on his front steps, facing away from the door. He turned quickly when the door opened and scanned Juice quickly, frowning.

“What happened?” Roosevelt asked, some weird type of concern twisting his features.

“Little brotherly love,” Juice replied sardonically, looking down the street. Both being obviously paranoid- for the same reason- they hurried to finished the transaction. “What’re you doing here? Not content t' ruin my life? Wanna take me in for my _legal_ drugs?” the scorn was plain in the way Juice turned out his empty pockets with a mocking flourish.

“I just wanted to let you know he’s gone. I know we caused you a lot of trouble- you’re obviously still getting punished for it-”

“This is only the beginning. But thanks for checking up on me. _Really_. All this attention is starting to get a little smothering though so back off maybe? _Great_ , night sheriff.” Juice tried to slam the door but Roosevelt grabbed it.

"I'm trying to help, to make this bet-"

"Don't you think you've helped enough?" Juice looked near ready to cry and Roosevelt wanted to cry for him, with him. He touched his shoulder and left the Son to retreat onto his small, second hand couch. _Fuck._  Juice thought bitterly. _Why couldn’t they just leave me alone?_

He reached over and pulled a bottle of jack to his lips, nursing, eyes closed. _Sleep_ , he thought. _A feet everyone else seemed to manage quite handily._

More knocking. Juice curled up. He tucked his knees under his chin and watched the dark wood of the door tremble as someone pounded on the other side. _Go away._ Juice thought bitterly. _I thought I was a disappointment? You did enough damage, let me finish it off. I can get the job done with reduced guilt for you, blow out sale- best deal you’ll get._

“Juicy boy, goddammit- Open this door or I’ll kick it in.” Chibs sounded desperate.

 _Did you find out about the rest of my deceit?_ Juice wondered idly, not moving except to tip the bottle a little more to renew the steady trickle of jack. _Just leave me alone! I’ll drown in my own head soon enough!_

The door buckled and burst open. Chibs stood there and immediately spotted Juice. “Hell boy I’d thought you’d- you’d-” Chibs strides forward and takes the bottle out of Juices hand. Juice doesn’t protest, just looks up with glassy eyes.

“Killed myself? I told you I was good.”

“This isn’t good!” Chibs snaps and pulls Juice off the couch, urging him to hold his own weight. Juice shoved away from him, tripping backwards.

“What do you want, Chibby?” Juice was suddenly crying and Chibs was stunned by the 360 turn in emotion- stoic, sarcastic then sobbing like a babe. “I’ll do fucking anything- tell me what to do!”

Chibs pulled Juice close, cradling the back of his head and making soothing sounds as Juice wailed into his shoulder, marking it with snot, tears and blood from the cuts that were reopening. When Juice quieted to a whimper Chibs propelled him to the bathroom and sat him down on the closed toilet seat.

He wet a washcloth with cold water and dabbed at Juice’s face, wiping away the tear tracks first, then the blood. Juice stared at his knees make soft snuffling sounds sever couple seconds. Chibs handed his a wade of toilet paper and he blew his nose loudly then crumpled it into a ball in his fist. Chibs carefully applied antiseptic and bandages before helping Juice out of his clothes.

When Juice was naked he sunk to his knees, trembling fingers working open Chibs belt. He felt sick, his stomach churning as the belt pulled free. He closed his eyes and tried to will the nausea away. Chibs stopped him and gently pulled him to his feet. “Rest, love.” He murmured and kissed the shell of his ear sweetly before handing him a pair of pajama bottoms and his sweatshirt.

Juice lay down with Chibs spooning him, the blankets pulled up to his chin. Chibs leaned over and whispered kissed over his shoulders and cheeks before finally meeting his lips. “I’m sorry.” Juice whispered, trying to convey all he felt at that moment. The overwhelming love paired with the bottomless grief and shame. The despair that had clogged his head for the last few months. The relief of not being alone anymore.

Chibs responded with a soft, “Me to.” And there was the returned love, effortless and nurturing.

Maybe there was no solution other than death. But for a minute, Juice forgot about everything because Chibs was warm and hard and gruff behind him and his head was quiet and the emptiness he felt suddenly wasn’t as meaningless and just now, things were good. They fell asleep there and woke up together. They showered together and Juice made breakfast and Chibs read the newspaper. And that was all there was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think of a coffeeshop AU? Well I'm already writing it so whatever I guess...


End file.
